Why is it so hard to mind your business? No, seriously.
I knew that when I decided to be more present on social media and bare more of my life and my journey that I would be more vulnerable to unsolicited opinions. Still, I pushed forward, hoping that the mature and innocent inquisitive dialogue that could come from this would outweigh the inevitable ignorance. And it is…so far. However, I’ve still gotten some feedback and questions that crosses over from simply wanting to gain knowledge to being intrusive and rude. There is a vast difference between asking about the side effects I’ve experienced with my journey and asking if I planned on having kids, more so encouraging me to not have kids, because you believe that my fertility will be irreparably damaged. Oh, I didn’t know you were clairvoyant! That’s amazing, please, tell me more about my future. Actually, don’t. Instead, tell me, how is any of this your business?
Am I the one being weird for expecting people to mind their manners and their business? I’ll be honest and say that I do feel like social media and society has created a world in which it seems no one is entitled to privacy. For most of us, it has created this skewed sense of entitlement to every detail of other people’s lives, some of whom we have never met and likely never will. And because we have the privilege of being shielded from face to face scrutiny or conflict thanks to the cloak of protection of hiding behind screens and keyboards, people feel even more emboldened to say whatever comes to mind. I’m here to tell you, no one cares about your opinion or pseudo expertise that much.
Now, I realize the irony of that last statement considering I am writing a blog post that is, in fact, my opinion. However, the reason I feel the need to get this specific opinion out is because someone decided that their opinion about what I do with my body was somehow…important. Then to add insult to injury, that person is a stranger. The unmitigated gall of anyone to offer up an opinion or suggestion as to what someone, a complete stranger, should do with their body is psychotic at best. I always like to stress the importance of intent vs. impact. Communication is a complicated thing and I know that we won’t get it right every time. I just want us to stop and think before allowing certain things to come out of our mouths. Before you get on Beyonce’s internet to interact with strangers, ask yourself, “is what I’m about to say going to help this person? Do I have genuine concern for their situation? Am I projecting my fears/concerns, etc. onto them? Do I know them? Will they find value in what I have to say? Am I an expert on this subject? Have I gathered enough information to make an intellectual contribution to this conversation?”. If you have to ask yourself any questions of the sort, please, do us all a favor and keep your comments to yourself.
The more time I spend on social media, the more I realize how out of control this phenomenon is. Here’s the truth. We will always come across opinions, situations, and people that we don’t care for or disagree with. But everything does not warrant a response. If I responded to all the ignorance I encountered on this here internet, then I would be a deeply troubled soul. Why do y’all (not everyone, of course) insist on inviting so much turmoil into your lives? Life would be much more peaceful if you just keep scrolling.
One practice that has kept me out of other people’s business for much of my adult life is having the wherewithal to imagine myself in their shoes. Before I make the decision to do or say something that will directly affect another human being, I pause to ask myself, “how would I feel if they say/do to me whatever it is that I’m about to say/do to them?”. If the answer results in any sort of negative outcome, I keep it pushing. Unfortunately, I know that many people do not have the emotional intelligence to process situations in that way. Some people simply have bad manners. Well, there’s not much that can be done about that. Those of us on the receiving end will have to bear the responsibility of handling it in a mature fashion. For example, I love the block button. It is a wonderful invention and I encourage everyone to try it. There was a time where I would engage in the foolishness and pointless debates, the need to somehow defend myself or my point of view weighing heavily on me. Now? I delete and block more than I respond.
No matter the situation, I know that there are plenty people who thrive off conflict. It’s their oxygen. They are looking to get a rise out of someone, so why give them the satisfaction? And, as I pointed out earlier, it could be them projecting onto you the things that are troubling them. Half of the time, it has nothing to do with you and who you are as a person. You are just an innocent bystander and just happened to be in their line of fire at that moment. That’s what I tell myself; it’s nothing personal. I make sure to detach myself and my feelings from much of what goes down on the internet because mental health is real…and it’s important to practice ways to protect your mental health. How damaged would we be if we internalized every rude or negative comment and opinion that was said about us or towards us? I for certain don’t want that poison in my life. Social media is merely a glimpse into other’s worlds. I check myself whenever I get “too involved”. I get it, it happens. Especially when you’re exposed to so many variations of “realities” that do not seem to resemble your own. Social media can be a wonderful thing when its not be abused and misused. Be careful. What once was an innocent scrolling session to escape from everyday stress can quickly cross over into unhealthy activities.
I just want everyone to be aware of the boundaries that very much so still exists. Social media may have distorted them, but they are still there. Be respectful and cognizant of people’s real lives and situations. Take what is given to you and leave it at that. Don’t pry and if you find yourself not having the self-control to stand down, then God-speed. Personally, I’ll do my best to be polite should I decide to respond if I come across adults who can’t decipher when to keep their mouths shut. It depends on the day. Sometimes, I just delete the comment and block the person, no questions asked. On rare occasions, I’ll give them what they want and turn up a little bit.
God’s still working on me.