Wow…it’s really happening. I mean, yeah, this was planned. But nothing can ever prepare you for seeing that "positive" result. There's no turning back now. I was pregnant!
And I don’t have this “magical” story to tell, either. To me, it’s rather normal. Well…almost.
I’ve been with my husband almost a decade, married for 5 of those years. We’d been working hard to build the life we want and having fun doing so. Some would argue that “it’s about time” we expanded our family. But the thing about me is that I never felt motherly or nurturing. Yes, I like kids, but that’s not enough to want to have one (or more). I never took that responsibility lightly which is why I waited so long (according to societal standards). I needed to make sure that this was something I truly wanted. Ever since it was a physical possibility of me getting pregnant, there was this ongoing internal dialogue about why I did or didn’t want kids. I came from a neighborhood where none of the younger girls made it past 16 without at least one child. So turning 18 and still being child-free felt like a major accomplishment. Then, I turned 25. Ooh, girl! Talk about amazing! And in my late 20’s, when I started dating and getting more serious with my now husband, I had to confront that question again…do I even want kids?
What I refused to do was allow society or loved ones dictate my life. I don’t care what other people think I should do. My life is mine to live and mine alone, so I’d better make sure that a life altering decision such as kids is one made without pressure or guilt. Even when I did decide that, yes, maybe one kid would be great, I still had doubts. This is not a new car that I can renege on. This is a human being. I am obligated to care for this little person no matter what’s going on or what I’m going through. Again, that is a hefty responsibility that I never took lightly.
It wasn’t until that “ordained” phone call from a really good friend in February 2022 that all my fears melted away. It was a spiritual, supernatural experience that I will never forget. No one knew what I was going through internally, not even my husband. Just me and God. Even after multiple visits with a fertility specialist (no one knew of us doing this—an important detail for the next part of my story), getting a clean bill of health, and making the conscious decision with my husband to start trying…those thoughts still plagued me. Am I making the right decision? Will I be a good mother? Should we wait a little longer?
Then, out of the blue, I get a text that read, “do you have a few minutes to chat?” Of course! I get on the phone and immediately, my friend says, “I know this may sound weird, but I had a dream about you and I woke up with you heavy on my mind. I believe God wants me to pray for you. And not just any prayer. This is specifically about kids.”
Cue the goosebumps.
He continued, “I don’t even know if that’s a topic of conversation in your household or if y’all even want kids, but I just want to be obedient.”
Cue the tears. I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed while he prayed over me, my husband, and our future kids. This was definitely confirmation from God and no one else. I’m making the right decision. From that moment on, I was at peace about it. And exactly 2 months later, I found out that the time had come. I was nervous, excited, but at peace.
All has been amazing so far and I know that the Sharena even two years ago wouldn’t have handled this experience with as much grace as current Sharena. I can attribute that to the growth in my faith and that affirming phone call. I’ve just been chilling, literally, while Jesus takes the wheel.
I wish every major life event could come with confirmations as blatant as that phone call, but I know that’s not how life works. However, I think He knew that this was the one situation I needed the comfort and reassurance of a Father. The reassurance that I have all that I need to bring a little blessing into the world.
For that, I am forever grateful and forever changed.