Have y’all heard the expression, “when you look good, you feel good”? I can agree with that…to a certain extent.
As you all may already know, I’ve been on my isotretinoin journey and my skin is improving every day. Thank God. I’ve been working out consistently, making healthier choices with food, and as a result, I’m feeling better physically. Last week, I played dress up, full hair and makeup and I even had a photo shoot. Be that as it may, I’m currently sitting in my favorite cozy robe, hair wrapped up, drinking chai, making it a point to completely dedicate my entire weekend to self-care because I’ve mentally felt depleted all week.
Yeah, looking good can absolutely contribute to you feeling good. Unfortunately, that feeling can be fleeting. I felt like a million bucks when I dressed up and took pictures last week. Then, as I settled back into the realities of everyday life, my world began to feel heavy. Another mass shooting. Another Black life lost at the hands of police. Devastating news bombarded me every time I looked at the TV or logged on to social media. Not to mention we are still deep in a pandemic. Yet, somehow, it seems as though the world decided to simply live with it instead of eradicating it. That is not normal, and I won’t allow myself to fall into the trap of treating it as such. In addition to world issues, there are the personal ones. I won’t divulge mine, but it would be naïve to believe that I’m the only one going through something. We live in a fallen world and troubles are inevitable. No one is exempt from them.
So, what do you do when everything just seems like too much? I believe one of the best ways to cope is to disconnect for a little while. For me, that looks like staying away from the media in all capacities, picking a feel-good show to watch or book to read, putting my phone on airplane mode, getting some sun, writing, eating some of my favorite foods (within moderation), candles, bubble baths, wine, and lots of pampering. If I was closer to the coast, I would escape to the beach. That’s always my first choice. Sometimes, I can only do these things for a few hours, or it could be for a couple of days. Either way, its necessary. And the coping mechanisms are subject to change. Cater them to your personality and your situation. Do whatever you can to get those endorphins flowing because the difficulties of this life can be relentless.
Having someone that you trust to confide in helps as well, whether it be a close friend or a therapist. I know the latter can seem daunting to a lot people. However, the way I look at it is that you need someone to help you put your thoughts and concerns into perspective. There have been so many times where a situation would have a hold on me and affect me emotionally. Then, after talking it out with a trusted source, I would feel better and more confident about tackling whatever it was. Even if you’re not seeking advice, another point of view can be the difference between spiraling out of control and having the strength to navigate this world. On the other hand, you should be mindful of people around you who can also be a trigger. Do you notice that you have a friend, relative, or an associate who exudes negativity in some capacity every time they’re around? Might be time to distance yourself. Listen…it may sound harsh to some, but there have been times where I would put friends in “timeout” for a while. I know they aren’t doing it deliberately, but it seemed that sometimes, every time we spoke, they would dump a bunch of emotionally draining news, discussions, and situations on me without replenishing with happy and exciting things. Further, sometimes they would be so wrapped up in the struggles of their lives that they would consistently vent to me without showing concern for me and my life as well. It's imperative that we do everything we can to maintain a healthy balance. There is no way we can avoid all the bad things in life…I know that. But balance is the key. Balance is what will help us not fold under all the pressure. And when there are forces that you can control upsetting that balance, it’s up to you to shut it down.
No matter what your go to vices may be, it’s clear that we all need to be diligent about making and keeping these mental health check-in appointments with ourselves. And please, be honest with yourselves. I can’t tell you how many times I would essentially shame myself because feeling a certain way was just “not me”. I was always perceived as strong. I was the one that always had a smile on my face. I was the encouraging and the uplifting one. Mental health is just not something that can be packaged under “fake it ‘til you make it”. It wasn’t until I started being honest with myself that the heaviness started to subside. Sometimes, I have to tell myself that I’m a hot mess and that I won’t be able to get anything productive done today. I allow myself to feel the emotions and if I need to cry, I go ahead and do that. It’s like a tune-up or reset. Those “bad” days aren’t often, but when I have them, I really lean into it and I would be good to go in about one to two business days.
I know that this is not how this journey goes for everyone. There are a variety of circumstances that can make things either more or less challenging. I get it. In the words of my sweet mama, “as long as you’re on this side of heaven, you will go through rough times.” Again, this is not an option; its inevitable. Life is all about ebbs and flows. If we know this, then we should take seriously the methods of surviving such times. Don’t ignore the moments you feel overwhelmed and just push through because you feel that’s what you have to do. Yes, we all have responsibilities, but we are no good to anyone or anything if we are running on empty. So, take that nap. Call out of work. Get a babysitter and have a picnic with yourself. Binge your favorite comfort show or build a fort and have a movie marathon. No matter how insignificant you think that one feel-good thing may be, you are investing in your overall emotional and mental health.
There’s nothing insignificant about that.